Tips for dating someone with depression
You deserve love too. People living with depression often see the condition as a negative attribute — something our partners will have to deal with. You might feel compelled to tell your date about your depression as soon as possible. However, that conversation is not exactly first date material. You are perfect as you are. There are people out there who will take the time to learn about your condition because you are important to them. They will love you for you, depression and all.
Find someone who understands all of you and will know how to be there for you when you need them. Self-esteem issues may cause you to sabotage a blossoming relationship.
Depression can cause serious self-esteem issues. Familiarize yourself with your insecurities and learn the difference between negative self-talk and when outside influences are putting you down. You may lack any motivation to put on makeup or a nice outfit.
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This is something I have struggled with personally. When my energy levels dip, I barely have enough willpower to shower, let alone put makeup on. Usually, people like to look their best for their partners. Doll yourself up, even if it takes everything in you.
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Once you feel more like your usual self, then you can push yourself to get on out there. The past can haunt us and affect our current relationships. When she does decide to date, she never lets it get too serious. Rather than dwell on past mistakes, learn from them and be stronger for them. Dating with depression is possible.
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Stay optimistic, be kind to yourself, and prepare for bumps in the road. And if you ever feel defeated, come back and reread this article. She loses keys, books, essays, her homework, and her glasses. Finding a partner who understood the challenges of mental illness seemed like a dream come true. I could empathize with his condition. He seemed compassionate about mine. And I loved him unconditionally — mostly.
If I seem like a hypocrite, I get it. And I know I need a partner who understands that dark side of me.
Anyone else who has dated someone with mental illness including all my past partners knows this to be true. What I have learned is that when you put two mentally ill people together, there can often be as much challenge as there is compassion and love. Oh, it can be so tempting. We have so many tools to share from our own survival arsenal. We have so many insights and pep talks and encouraging words we want to say.
He or she is the only one who can solve them, and they need to do it on their own. Yes, be a solid presence. Yes, love on them without end. But no — do not take their problems on as your problems, or soon you will be drowning alongside them. This is a tough one. When I met my current partner, I knew he was stressed and low. I wanted to arrange everything — introduce him to everything — fix everything for him. It fed into my own issues of self-worth and wanting to be needed by someone else. I need to step back and let him take care of himself.
Two people with illogical thoughts can come to many unhealthy and illogical conclusions.
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Consider joining a group like Celebrate Recovery or find a compassionate listening program like Humble Warrior to get an outside perspective on your inside problems. Whereas I was a chatty pisces needing to bear my soul every five minutes, my husband was not a talker. He tended to shut down instead of facing issues head on.
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But mental illness makes it even more important.